I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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