is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
