3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
