Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
