Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
