so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
is it fun? or sober?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
