..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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