i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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