He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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