just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I love having hate sex.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
