She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
