Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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