I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
