she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
the raccoons are back...
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