drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize