It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
