I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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