Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
