as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
