I accidentally burped into my bong.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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