I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
