Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
