where does the pee come out of this thing
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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