I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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