I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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