If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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