Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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