So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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