Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
