Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
