They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
