I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
