Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
