its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
did i walk over a car last night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
