so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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