Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
