i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize