There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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