Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
