think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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