Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
