she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
