HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
