Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
