this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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