remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
