I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
