areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
