Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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