Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
