I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
