i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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