It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
