thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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