Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
they're like a gay fantastic four
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
