What a fucking waste of an outfit
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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