I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
