i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
