she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
