Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
