He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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