the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
