look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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