Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
