i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
