Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
