I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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