he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize