just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
