worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
