Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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