i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
