I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
