i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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