went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
