I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
