our cab driver is having phone sex.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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