I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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