Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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