New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
