hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
