I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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