Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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