The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
