It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
