So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
