why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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