i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize