so explain again why im purple
no
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize