My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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