i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
