It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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