Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
