They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
