I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize