She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
