What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
