just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
