So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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