I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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